Sparlock and “The Simpsons”

If rumors are true, and they generally are, then Sparlock the Warrior Wizard is set to make a special guest appearance on an upcoming episode of The Simpsons.

According to Matt Groening, the shows creator and avid Sparlockean, Sparlock the Warrior Wizard will feature in a Simpsons episode to air on Thanksgiving Day.

“It was only natural due to the popularity and cult-like status of Sparlock the Warrior Wizard,” Groening explained, “that he would end up on this show.”

The story involves a series of unbelieveable events triggered by an incident within the First Church of Springfield. Reverend Lovejoy proclaims that “God hates Sparlock the Warrior Wizard” and instructs the congregation to “destroy all Sparlock toys so as to obey God and make him happy.”

Homer Simpson, upon arriving home, makes a panicked three-second search through the Holy Bible and finds no reference to Sparlock whatsoever.

Reverend Lovejoy is admitted to a psychiatric asylum for the religiously insane. Lovejoy ends up sharing a room with Anthony Morris III, a member of the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses, who has been clinically diagnosed as suffering from a severe case of apostaphobia brought on by an imaginary fear of apostates and small plastic toys.

In the asylum, Morris further explains to Lovejoy that, “to obey God one must hate, not only Sparlock the Warrior Wizard, but also the mentally diseased,” adding the warning that, “if you go near them you will catch their disease and you will die.”

One amusing part of the episode involves an incident in which Bart leaves his marbles on the floor and Homer slips over them, while Marge is preoccupied on her hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor like a faithful and discreet slave. Groening explains that “this scene is the shows highlight. Obviously when dealing with sensitive topics involving religious leaders and their teachings, one always has to include a part where someone loses their marbles.”

The episode comes to a head in a sing-along scene in which Bart, Lisa, and Maggie, break into a song entitled “Listen and Obey”. This is hinted at during the opening credits of the episode, when Bart writes on the school chalkboard as punishment for disobeying, and then questioning, the commands of God.

An earlier highlight of the episode includes a dream sequence where Rod and Tod Flanders are tempted by the Serpent with the lure of a Sparlock the Warrior Wizard. It is this ‘garden-of-edenesque’ scene that triggers Ned Flanders to complain to Reverend Lovejoy about the potential evils of Sparlock the Warrior Wizard.

Watch out for the special guest appearances from Steven Hassan, author of Combatting Cult Mind Control, the #1 Best-selling Guide to Protection, Rescue, and Recovery from Destructive Cults; and from Steven Unthank, who presents legal argument in the Springfield County Court House, before Judge Snyder, that Sparlock the Warrior Wizard should not be banned as he is nothing more than a “theological arrangement”.

Sparlock the Warrior Wizard to appear in an upcoming episode of The Simpsons to be aired on Thanksgiving Day.

Below: The Hollywood Express article, May 30, 2012, that first reported the news.